On eating everything in sight – Greythorn's Nook
 

On eating everything in sight

| Posted in Ramblings

With my baby shower looming, I thought it only fitting that today’s post pertain to my pregnancy.

Your body goes through a lot of changes when you get pregnant. I know many of you just rolled your eyes and said something along the lines of “No shit Sherlock!” Anyways, as you also know, everyone is different too. There’s no one common formula which will get you through the next ten months. That would be much too easy. “Oh yeah, she’ll get over the fact that you looked at her sandwich with lust in your eyes. After all, she’s in her 20th week and the hormones are just-a-raging!” “Don’t worry about the uncontrollable tears, they come on fast and don’t last long. Next week, they’ll just be a memory.” Or some such nonsense.

Nope. One person’s morning sickness is another’s entire pregnancy.Some people have intense swelling while others wonder when, or if, it will hit them. Some place their phones in the freezer while others threaten to divorce their husbands for not putting the toilet paper on the roll “the right way.”

Some of the changes, however, are universal. Like your hormones jumping on the biggest, baddest roller coaster at the park and riding it almost incessantly. Your bladder suddenly shrinks to the size of a quarter and you spend almost as much time in the washroom as you do in bed. Then there’s the kicker: your digestive system slows down to a crawl, ensuring you not only have issues going to the washroom, but any gas which escapes (and it escapes, because you’re already feeling bloated and in no way want to hold that in for ANYONE) smells like you collected that invisible odour from the great bog of stench itself. The gas just sits there and festers, waiting for some poor soul to walk by before releasing itself upon the world. This never fails. If you pass gas, it’s almost guaranteed someone will come around to ask you a question. Also, if you wonder why your coworkers are so quiet, it’s likely because you’ve knocked them all out in one fell swoop!

So you would think it would follow that if your digestive system has slowed down, so has your appetite. After all, your body is taking longer to absorb nutrients and stuff. Nope. Not even close.

You read about this phenomenon, how your “full” button literally disconnects for the entirety of the pregnancy. Oh, there are exceptions, but they are usually too sick to have much of an appetite anyways. I get it, I really do. That little tadpole is sucking all your energy and nutrients to grow and thrive. You hear about the women who just want to snack all the time, the ones who gain some sixty to one hundred pounds during their pregnancy. It isn’t a hidden secret or some unknown scientific fact they’ve yet to discover. But you don’t believe it until it’s actually happening to you. Which begs another question.

Why the hell do groceries have to cost so much?

No, I’m not heading down that tangent. Honestly though, maybe it’s the babies way of preparing you for the extra cost he’ll incur. You know, the way peeing every two hours during the night is your body’s way of getting you ready for the needy creature about to exit your womb.

I seriously don’t know how I’ll go about eating normally again later. Nothing is safe! I could feed a small village with what I eat in a day! Ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but not by much. This third trimester is probably worse than the other two combined. I ate supper just over an hour ago and I’ve been fighting the urge to make a snack. I’m giving in soon. And no, I’m not thirsty. I drank a full glass of water in the meantime. I often look at the lunch I packed for work and wonder if it’s enough for the day. Oftentimes it isn’t. On the bright side, I’m supporting the businesses downtown a few bucks at a time! Maybe it has something to do with the amount of energy it takes to do the Macarena and practice the intricate movements of a Riverdance performance in my stomach. Maybe it’s him putting on weight. Whatever the case, food is a frenemy I’m getting quite cozy with.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to have some toast with peanut butter and strawberries on the side. Then maybe I’ll have a bowl of cereal. Hopefully that tides me over for the night. Nothing like getting up at two in the morning to groggily shovel nutrients into my face!


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